Bramblestar's Letter
by Tansyheart
Summary: It took Bramblestar six books to forgive Squirrelflight for lying to him about their kits. After suffering through the initial anger caused by the lies, Bramblestar wrote a letter to the kits he thought were his, explaining how he feels about them and the she-cat who raised them. One-shot.


I feel like my heart's been ripped out. Everything I once had is gone. Everyone I love is gone. How could she do this? Did I mean that little to her? I don't know what to think. My world has come crashing down. I don't know who I can trust anymore. If I can't trust her, I can't trust anyone.

My children, oh my precious children, how could I not see it? How could I be so blind? Not one of you looked like me, but I was blind to the truth, blinded by love for your mother. Now I know the truth. How can I still go on loving my children, knowing they were born of another? A different mother carried you, and a different father is supposed to love you. Still, I can't stop loving you. I saw the way your true father denied you. He couldn't even admit that you were his, though it was clear you were. I, your "adoptive" father, love you more than he ever will.

I cannot say the same about your mother, precious kits. I cannot love her. She lied to me about what was most precious. The three little bundles she brought to me one cold night- my heart had been filled with joy! What a surprise! She hadn't even told me she was expecting. I vowed to be the perfect parent, loving and protecting you until the day I die. Had I known the truth from the beginning, perhaps I still would have.

Your mother- no, your "adoptive" mother- loves you. I know she does. But why the lies? Could she not have told me from the beginning? She couldn't know how I would have responded. Would I have been mad? Yes, of course I would have, but not at her. This is all her sister's fault, really. If your real mother had never taken a mate this would never have happened. Instead of taking responsibility for her actions, your mother dumped you three on my mate, her sister. How could she have said no? The sisters were always so loyal to one another. I would have expected my mate to do nothing else but take her sister's kits and raise them as her own, but why could I not be told the truth? I'd have acted like your father, like everything was alright. I'd have been there for you when your real father was not. I was anyway, of course, but it would not have all been a lie.

Lies, kits, will be our downfall. They caused my daughter- ahem, the one I thought was my daughter- to run away, unable to bear knowing the truth. It shattered our perfect family. We were perfect, weren't we? Mother and father, three beautiful kits- the picture of happiness until that fateful day. Now that picture lies shattered on the ground, broken by the lies and ruined my daughter and crushed my heart. My sons grieved for moons. How could I have expected you to forgive your adopted mother or the one that carried you? I couldn't even forgive them.

My brave son, my courageous son, you are the finest warrior I have ever seen. I was so proud to call you my son. I have loved watching you learn and grow from the moment you were born. You were a fighter from the start. When you were made a warrior I thought I would explode with pride. I want you to know that I never stopped loving you, even after I knew the truth.

My blind son, my son that sees in his dreams, you are the finest medicine cat. I knew you would be a challenge from when you were just a tiny kit. You were meant for big things, bigger than just being a medicine cat. Every time I see you save a life, I am proud to call you my son. How could I have a better son? I want you to know I never stopped loving you, even after I knew the truth.

My daughter, oh my daughter, the words I could say to you! I wouldn't know where to begin. You were always my little thinker. A serious kit turned into a brave and loyal warrior. You would have made a fine leader someday, had you lived long enough. When you announced on that terrible night that you were not mine, my heart broken into a million pieces. When you ran away, unable to cope with the lies your "mothers" had let you live, my world crumbled. When you finally came home, I was so glad! I had hoped that everything would be alright after that, that we could still be our perfect little family. You died with honor, little one. Loyal to the warrior code to the end, you gave your life to a warrior you barely knew. I want you to know I never stopped loving you, even after I knew the truth.

But how can I look at your "adoptive" mother now? She was my mate and the love of my life. If she had really loved me, she would have told me the truth. Could she not have been loyal to both her sister and me? Is loyalty to kin more important than love? I would have stood by her side. Did she not know that? Did she not know I would still love her? I understand why she did it. She loves her sister. I would go to the ends of the earth for my sister, so I would expect nothing less from her. But I could have been there. I wish I could have been there. Perhaps then her sister would not have had to give up her position. Perhaps you, my daughter, would not have had to run away. She lied to me. Let me believe you were mine. Why? She didn't trust me with the truth, I suppose. How can I love her now, knowing she didn't trust me? Tell me that, kits.

I have watched you, sons, interact with your real mother and her sister. You can't stand either of them. You can't forgive them either. I understand how you feel. I can't forgive her. Has she asked for forgiveness, or has she become a shell of her former self, like her sister has? The truth ruined more than just your lives, kits. It ruined six lives- yours, as well as your mother, your "adoptive" mother, and mine. All of us are living in pain now, all because of two cats' forbidden love.

I can't look at her, kits. I can't. The pain is too great. Every time I see her I think of the lies. This one is just too big to forgive and forget. You three were the best things that ever happened to me. Sometimes I like to pretend it wasn't a lie, and you really are mine, and we're happy again. But then I look at you. You, my daughter, black as night, and my blind son, gray as a storm, resemble your real father too much for me to pretend for long. My three greatest achievements are somebody else's. I have nothing.

No! I don't have nothing! You are _my_ kit! Your real father wanted nothing to do with you. I would never deny you like that. He can hide from the truth because he doesn't live here, but I can't. I see you every day. I see you patrol the territory and I see you heal sick cats. I can't help but love you. Your real father may have created you, but I _raised_ you. Look at that piece of crowfood he raised. You are nothing like that. I raised three loyal, hardworking, courageous kits that are assets to my Clan. He raised a traitor, and he doesn't love that one either.

Kits, I've made up my mind. I've forgiven your mother. She may have adopted you without telling me, but she raised you and loved you. She was a good mother. Hopefully you think I was a good father. I understand why she took you in. I even respect it. I only wish she had told me the truth. But the past is the past, and I can't stay angry forever. I never stopped loving you, and truthfully, I never stopped loving her. We may never be our little happy family again, but maybe we can still be kind of happy. We are a family, regardless of the circumstances. I am proud to call you my children. I am proud to have a daughter as brave, loyal, and courageous as she was, and I look forward to seeing her in StarClan. I am proud to have to fine sons who have moons of life ahead of them. You both have long, happy lives to live, and I will be there every step of the way. I am proud of all three of you. You are my greatest achievements. I will love you forever.


End file.
